Getting Some Kid Therapy!

As I write this, I am sitting in my kitchen, listening to my one year talk and play with her toys. It was a busy time this morning getting the kids all fed and the two older ones off to school, but I cherished it, and don't think I've stopped smiling in hours. I think I slept with a smile on my face. :-)

Yesterday morning I woke up very homesick. I looked at our appointment schedule and realized we had scattered appointments thru next Tuesday and then surgery would probably follow shortly thereafter. It would probably be a good three weeks or more before I could give my kids a hug. I longed to be home, just to do my everyday stuff... grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning and taking care of my babies. Tears filled my eyes and I just resolved myself to take it a day at a time and make the best of it.

We showed up for our first appointment, the lymph node biopsy, and our next appointment wasn't for several hours, so we decided to drive back to my brother's place, so my husband could get some work done. No sooner had we walked in the door, then Mayo called and one of my Friday appointments was moved to 11:30. Fifteen minutes later they called back, bumping the appointment to 10:15. So we headed in. No sooner had we found a parking spot in the parking ramp, when my phone rang and my lymph node biopsy came back negative, so as far as they can tell now, the cancer is contained in only one part of my body. This is awesome news! On this note, we went in and met with the plastic surgeon. After that appointment, we went to a restaurant for lunch and talked. I told my husband how I longed to go home. He told me not to get my hopes up, but I couldn't help it.

After lunch, we went to wait for our 2:00 appointment, and they ended up getting us in a whole hour early. This appointment was to educate my husband and I as to what to expect after surgery. It sounds like it will be quit the recovery process. I can't lift anything over 10 lbs for at least 2 weeks, with gradual increases over time. It will probably be a good month or more before I can lift either of my two youngest children. I won't be able to lift my arms over shoulder level for at least two weeks. It sounds like I should expect a fair amount of pain. The good thing is, it sounds like they will wait about a month or more before starting my treatment(s), so I can recover some.

After this appointment, our coordinating doctor came and talked to us. I told her my desire to go home and be with my children, and that I really didn't want to stick around for one Friday appointment and one Tuesday appointment. She sympathized and said she would work on getting surgery schedule and move those two appointments to when we come down for surgery, so I could go home. Yeah!

We immediately took off for my brother's house (where we were staying) and had our stuff packed up and were on the road again within 20 minutes.

The drive was going relatively smoothly (although we did hit rush hour in the cities), other then there was a fair amount of fog. Just north of Akeley, I saw a deer pop out of the ditch on my husband's side of the road. I said, "Deer", and my husband didn't react. I learned later he was looking in my ditch for the deer, and that apparently it is the deer spotter's responsibility to also yell out the location of the suicidal deer (oops :-) ). I then yelled "DEER" at which time my husband realized he was looking the wrong direction. By the time he saw the deer it was in the middle of the road heading for our lane a mere couple of feet in front of us. My husband accelerated (and I was thinking "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING!?!") and the deer ran into the driver's side front panel right in front of the driver's side door. The deer's head took off our side mirror and the deer rolled down the side of the car. After thinking about it, I realize why my husband hit the gas, instead of the brakes. If he'd hit the brakes, there was a very good chance that deer would have hit right in the middle of the front of the car, causing a lot more damage, possible rolling up over the hood, thru the windshield and into our laps. Thank goodness my husband thought extremely fast and God protected us in a situation that could have been much worse!

I started thinking about the damage to our car and what we were going to do about it and how much worse it could have been, when I realized that the car and I had something in common. Our car is now dented and marked all down one side. We're missing a mirror. It doesn't look great, but it doesn't look awful, either. But you know what? It's still the same car... it runs just as good as before we hit the deer and, thankfully, everything (and everyone) inside was safe. At the end of this cancer situation, I'm still the same Heather I was a year ago. I may have a few more scars and bruises, but at the end of it all, our prayer and desire is that I will be safe on the inside. And, I've also come to the realization, that although having breast cancer is bad, this situation could have been so much worse!

Bad things do happen in life... and it sucks! And we all do have moments where it is OK to ask God why he allowed bad things to happen. God is big enough for that. I don't believe He's insulted by our questions. Sometimes asking those questions leads us to the realization that in the situation where we "felt" abandoned by God, He really was way more involved in taking caring of us then we are aware of. Our God is big enough to prevent bad things from happening, but sometimes, I think it takes an even bigger God to carry us thru bad things to the other side. I'm thankful our God is that big!