Cancer Sucks

My oldest daughter brought a bracelet home from school the other day that said "Cancer Sucks". Her friend who lost her dad this past summer to cancer gave it to her. She asked me what I thought of the bracelet, since she knows I'm not found of the word "suck". "Suck" is just so negative and non descript, I usually feel there is a better word to describe a situation. I thought about it and said I really didn't think cancer deserved a better word and frankly it does just suck.

Last time I posted, I was getting ready to finish up my last reconstructive surgery. That went very well. Compared to all my other surgeries it was a breeze. The most painful part was having my port taken out, probably because I still have nerves there to feel pain. Since I'd had two other surgeries on my breasts, I'm pretty sure most of my nerves have been severed and no longer work since I had near zero pain in that area after surgery. I still had to be careful about lifting for a few weeks, but by October I was feeling well enough to help roof our house.

I'm happy with my reconstruction results, but by no means are they perfect. Due to the fact I had a more aggressive mastectomy on one side then the other, I am not symmetrical. I can go back and have revision surgeries done, if I would like, but right now that doesn't even remotely interest me. The reality is I had cancer, and had to undergo radical surgery to get rid of that cancer. I am impressed the plastic surgeon could repair me as well as he did, so I am content. I didn't expect perfection, just improvement from post mastectomy surgery, and that has been accomplished.

A few days ago, I had my very first bone scan. I've been having hip pain since October that had progressively gotten worse and my local doctor and oncologist wanted to make sure cancer had not spread to my bones. Thankfully, my scan came back as normal. I'm glad they got my results back relatively quickly, because I don't do well with "scaniety" I've decided. In the four days from the time I'd had my scan, to the time I got the results, I'd went from convincing myself the cancer had to be in my bones all the way back to there was nothing to worry about and back again about ten times.

I think the pain I've been having is just a side effect from the chemotherapy I've had and the medication I am currently taking (Tamoxifen). It's not horrible pain... just noticeable nearly all the time. Before I called my oncologist and told him about my hip pain, I'd figured that was what the pain was from, but I wanted a doctor to make the decision I shouldn't worry, not me. I didn't want to do the same thing I'd done two years ago by explaining away and minimizing a symptom only to find out many months down the road that I should have been to a doctor much sooner. So this time I decided to let the doctor do his job and I'd do my job by going to visit the doctor. The doctor took me seriously, and I'm so thankful he did, as now I have peace of mind and don't have to keep wondering.

I'm going to have to get used to being willing to let doctors know when I have pain that won't go away. I'm not a complainer, and can usually learn to cope and adapt to discomfort. But unfortunately, the reality of breast cancer is a person is not considered "cured" until they die, have an autopsy and no breast cancer is found in their body. The nature of breast cancer is such that it can crop up 10 or 20 years after an initial diagnosis, so I have to be very in tune to my body and any changes that may indicate a problem. Breast cancer isn't like a lot of the other cancers where a person is considered "cured" after 5 years of remission... it's just to sneaky.