Scheduled another surgery

I made a very hard phone call last week... I scheduled my reconstructive surgery at Mayo clinic for August 12th. I procrastinated making this phone call for days, and dreading having to make it for weeks. The reason? I'm just plain tired... tired of doctor appointments, tired of finding people to watch my kids, tired of organizing 6 people's schedules around my treatments, tired of pain. I debated long and hard before making this phone call, but finally I did it.

I nearly talked myself into waiting another year before pursuing reconstruction, but thankfully my husband reasoned me out of it, and I'm glad he did. He knows me well enough to know I will dread that process until it is done, so I will be a happier person to just.... well... get 'er done!

So surgery is scheduled for August 12th, pre-op appointment the day before. From everything I've read/heard this is a very painful procedure (more so then the mastectomies). On the far side, I know it will be so much nicer not having to deal with the prosthesis. Although, I spend a great deal of time not wearing my prosthesis. I find that wearing them irritates my scar from surgery and I still have a bunch of tender nerves from surgery that tend to ache from wearing the mastectomy undergarment. Also, when it is hot outside the prosthesis are just plain uncomfortable to wear. It boils down to the fact that I'm so over trying to look "normal" that a lot of times I just go flat chested.

I've also started getting hot flashes. Apparently, chemotherapy can throw women into a sort of menopause... more commonly referred to as chemopause. You get all the lovely symptoms of menopause and hot flashes showed up with a vengeance with me about three weeks ago. It is the oddest sensation... I can be happily comfortable and then "whoosh" it feels like someone lite a torch on the back of my neck. I can literally feel the sweat instantly start to form on my scalp. This is one of the few reasons I've had to be thankful to have lost my hair... I couldn't imagine going thru this with a full head of hair... I would be very tempted to shave my head! The next round of meds will continue this "chemopause" phase for about five years, and then more then likely I will be thrown out of "chemopause" into "normal" womanhood (which is good for me and my bone health, but not so good on the cancer front because of increased hormone levels), and then when my time comes, I get to go thru menopause with the rest of my lady friends. So no complaining to me about menopause, ladies... I have to do it twice! Just kidding... complain away... I can already relate on some level anyway. :-)

On the chemotherapy front, the cut of 10% on the Taxol made a huge difference in the neuropathy side effects. I've had a lot less numbness and pain in my feet and hands. I still have some numbness and pain, so I will be mentioning that to my Oncologist on Friday.