Turned the corner

Ok, it's official. I'm a chemo wimp. The side effects of chemo SUCK! I would sooner go thru having a baby with no pain meds then sign up for another chemo treatment. At least with child birth I always had the energy to fight thru the pain and work with the pain. I still felt like me and somehow stronger and more empowered at the end. (I'm sure having a baby to hold at the end helped.) With chemo, it zaps your energy and makes your brain feel all icky and foggy... in short it feels like it is sucking the life right out of you. I don't feel stronger or more empowered from chemo... yet... maybe that will come after my 15 other treatments... sigh.

I was not prepared for what chemotherapy would take out of me. I thought that maybe 2 or 3 days of feeling like I had the stomach flu and then I would feel like myself again. That did not happen with me. I spent most of Saturday thru Monday flat on my back with stomach flipping nausea and extreme exhaustion. By Tuesday I could be up in small spurts, and every day has gotten better, but I wouldn't say I feel 100% yet. I'm actually wondering if I'll hit 100% by my next treatment.

But with that being said, I am so thankful for how God has provided for us thru all of this. Monday night, my husband was feeling really bad about having to leave me to go back to work on Tuesday since I was still feeling very ill, and my husband's Aunt called and offered to come help for a couple of days. She has been up for the past couple of days taking superb care of the house, laundry, cooking, kids and myself. She was my life saver this week, and I am so thankful for her and what she did. Her taking care of us gave my husband the freedom to return to work and deal with some pressing issues, since he had been out since last Wednesday. Thank you Aunt Kathy!

On another good note, we have gotten some good news in the after shocks of our first chemo treatment. Yesterday, GF called and the pathology came back on my axillary cyst as clean... no cancer! It is so nice to get good news!

I consider this first treatment of chemo a good learning experience. I have learned that chemo hits me very hard, and no matter what I would like to be capable of, I know I won't physically be capable of taking care of my one year old or two year old for 4-7 days after each treatment... not safely anyway. Taking care of myself will be a challenge enough. And thru this all, my husband still has to have a job at the other end of it, and has to function in that area of his life as well. He can't stay home week after week getting further and further behind at work. This first treatment of chemo made me realize I needed to do a very tough thing. Yesterday, I signed my two smallest children up for daycare.

I am very thankful to have found a daycare to take them and who is understanding about our situation. I know they will be in excellent care and will grow thru this experience. They will make new friends, be in an excellent environment and learn to adapt to other surroundings. And I know I need this time to heal and recover from very harsh medications. But I feel horrible. I'm supposed to take care of my babies. I'm not even signing them up for daycare so I can have a career and be productive and make a difference in the world. I'm signing them up so I can stay home and lay in bed for days on end. Yeah me! (Yes, I am a little sarcastic.)

I will meet with my Oncologist the day of and before my next treatment. I'm hoping he will have some different antinausea meds to try this time around. I was on four different medications and was still struggling. There has to be something better out there. Maybe I can beg him to put me in a drug induced coma for the week after treatment? (Only kidding :-) ).