Moving On... A Day At A Time

After surgery and before heading down to Mayo for our last trip, I was really struggling with being OK with the high possibility that no further treatment would be needed.  Logically, I knew this would more than likely be the recommendation I would get from the Mayo oncologist and I knew this was probably the right choice to make.  However, emotionally I was really struggling.  Five years ago, I was treated with surgery, 15 months of intravenous treatment (chemo) and five to ten years on a pill.  Now, after getting cancer again less than four years from stopping intravenous treatments, they want to cut the cancer out and then send me on my way?  I was really struggling with how I was going to emotionally process that.  My prayer request going down to visit with Mayo this past trip was that I would be OK with what they recommended.

Our oncologist down at Mayo was very sympathetic to any fears and concerns I brought into the room with me.  He was honest and sounded like he had never encountered a recurrence case exactly like mine.  He informed us that he would be presenting my case in front of a national board of oncologists this next week to see if any other oncologists from other parts of the country had insight to share on my particular case.  That being said, he believes that due to the fact all the cancer they removed was not invasive and they had excellent surgical margins, treatment is indeed done.  He assured me that patients who are treated with surgery for Paget's disease have a very good prognosis.  He puts my ten year survival odds at 93-97%.  His honesty and knowledge helped to give me the peace I knew I needed to say I am done with treatment.

I'm not saying my peace comes from the reassuring words of a doctor, but I believe God gave me a doctor who would meet me where I was and could get me where I needed to be to continue walking forward in faith and not fear.  I wish I could say my faith meter is 100% full, but it is not.  Fear is still there and I think that is OK as long as I allow that "fear" to give me a healthy life view.

When I developed bilateral breast cancer at the age of 33, the odds of that having happened to me were less than one-half of a percent.

When I developed Paget's disease as a recurrence, the odds of that having happened were less than 1%.

Now, I have a 3-7% chance of not being around in 10 years.

How do I process that?  With a lot of faith and a healthy dose of reality...

What does that reality look like?  Currently I am relieved, because had my recurrence been invasive I would have had about a 50% chance of ten year survival.  Along with relief though, I am feeling blessed.  Blessed I have today, right now, to live life here on earth with  my family.  I have faith that I will be fully healed someday.  At that time, my scars will be gone and I will never have to worry about cancer again.  I will be made new and perfect.  I do not know when that will happen, but I know it will.  Until that happens, may I always remember to love God and love people today... now, because tomorrow is not a promise, it is an assumption of my selfish humanity.  That is the life view that I need to keep so I can continue living life to its fullest, every. single.  day.