Five Treatments Down, 11 Left to Go

A couple of days after getting home from my last treatment, we acquired a stomach virus. It started with my husband and then proceed to attack each of my children sequentially starting with the oldest and ending with the youngest, and finally hit me. When it hit the two youngest, I was still in bed pretty wiped out from chemo, so my husband ended up taking a couple of days off from work to clean up barf and wash bedding over and over and over again. I have an awesome husband! I don't know of many men who would volunteer for such a nasty job. He did great taking care of the sick kids, and I once again, could rest well knowing they were in good hands. By Thursday morning, I had the stomach virus and was still really struggling on Friday. When I went in for my scheduled blood work on Friday morning, they saw how rough I was feeling, so they gave me a dose of an IV anti-nausea med and IV fluids. I felt so much better after that... it was amazing!

Yesterday and today I started the next phase of my chemo treatment. It started with a visit with my Oncologist. He gave me the results of my second heart (MUGA) scan which I completed a little over a week ago. My first pre-chemo heart scan result was 60%... right smack dab in the center of the normal range. They wanted to retest me after I'd finished the Adriamycin (Red Devil), as it is known to occasionally weaken the heart muscle. The next drug I start (herceptin) can also be hard on my heart, so they wanted to know how my heart was functioning before I started that drug. My second scan result was 54%, still in the normal range, but dropping to a level that makes me nervous. If I drop below 50%, they have to stop giving me the herceptin, which from my understanding, the type of cancer I have has a much higher recurrence rate without that drug. I was not surprised to see a drop in my heart function, as I've been having some bizarre symptoms such as time frames where I can feel my heart race which makes me feel icky, my blood pressure keeps creeping lower and lower, my hands and feet have had some minor swelling, I've had a few near passing out episodes and I tire so easily. So please pray that my heart would stay strong so I can finish the drugs that are needed to treat my cancer!

Thursday, I took my first dose of herceptin. It was easy peasy! No side effects what so ever! As a matter of fact, that same night, I visited a new Mexican restaurant where they served me the largest and most delicious burrito I have ever seen! Think Chipolte, but probably a good 30-40% larger. I think this must be the phase where I gain the 20-30 pounds I've been warned of... food finally looks and tastes good again, which I certainly am enjoying and hoping it stays that way!

Today, I had my first dose of Taxol, which is the drug they were most concerned I would react to. They gave me a premed IV steroid and IV Benadryl and Pepcid to help fight off any allergic reaction and stomach issues. Other then the Benadryl knocking me into a fightful sleep where I attractively drooled all over the hospital's pillow, there were no other side effects! I can tell I'm still very tired, but my mind is so much clearer now then it ever was on the Adriamycin and Cytoxin. This a blessing because I hated that foggy minded feeling that lasted nearly a week with the last chemo treatments. And as of now (8 or so hours post Taxol) I have had zero nausea! Hopefully this continues. I was knocked down to only two oral anti-nausea pills (they've cut out the two strongest - and one of them was the most expensive) and I really don't even have to take those unless nausea rears its ugly head. They've also cut out my oral steroid as well. I also don't have to get an immune system boosting shoot anymore (Neulasta) either, which was a very painful shot I had to receive the day after chemo. Yeah!

So, all in all we are doing well, and I am optimistic that life may return a small piece of normalcy to our crazy household. Thank you to the multitude of you all who have helped carry us this far! I realize that the road is still long, but most days on this road I have felt blessed, thanks to an amazing Heavenly Father and amazing family and friends! I know all of you have your own struggles as well. My hope for you is that you can see the blessings in the dark times. God does love all of us. I must admit, I've had many days where I don't FEEL God's love or blessings, but I KNOW it is there. Some days I CHOOSE to look hard enough to see His hand and blessings in my life and those days turn out to be some of my best. Unfortunately, some days I CHOOSE to give up and not see Him in all of this. I guarantee my lack of vision is not a reflection of God's workings or presence, but a reflection of my poor mindset and lack of faith. But I KNOW in those times that God's loving hand is holding me and my situation. God has big hands and I KNOW He's holding you as well!

Bye Bye Red Devil

Yesterday afternoon, I received the last dose of Adriamycin (aka The Red Devil) and Cytoxan. I am thankful that there are such powerful drugs out there to treat my cancer and to give me a much better chance of being a survivor, but I am just as thankful that phase of treatment is done, and we can move on. God willing, I will never have to go thru that particular treatment again. Everyone tells me these drugs were the toughest drugs in my schedule, and I am the type of person that if there is something tough I have to do, bring it on and get it done so I don't have to think about it. So I am thankful the hardest part was first.

My visit at the clinic was a little more eventful then we had initially planned, since unknown to myself, I was still running a low grade temp when they checked my vitals. I felt fine (or as fine as one going thru chemotherapy can feel), other then that nagging tenderness in my lower abdomen, and the fact that the lump under my arm had returned and was also very tender. The oncologist feel both issues of tenderness were of no coincidence or worry, but he did feel inclined to repeat the work-up I received at my local hospital earlier in the week. He truly felt I was fine, but being that he'd just had a patient come in with a septic (infected) port, he wanted to check and make sure that was not my case, as well. They also ran a urine analysis as well, to continue keeping an eye on my abdominal pain. I have heard nothing of the test results, which I assume is a good thing.

So in another two weeks we head to GF for more chemotherapy. I will be receiving two new drugs (Herceptin and Taxol) and since both run a higher chance of allergic reaction I will have to receive each drug on two consecutive days, so my reaction to each drug can be monitored clearly. This means my husband and I will probably have to leave the kids again for a couple of days and the way the timing falls it means I will also miss the two older kids' Spring program. Initially, this made me very sad and angry, that cancer could take that away from me, but I got over it and choose to realize there is so much more that it hasn't and can't take away.

After this initial dose of the two new chemotherapy drugs, the remaining eleven doses can be given together on a weekly (every Friday) basis. And our understanding (maybe more of an assumption and a wish at this point) is that those doses can be done at our local hospital. It makes setting up childcare so much easier if we don't have to add four hours to the time frame we are gone for travel.

3/4 of the Way Done With Double Dose Chemotherapy

Friday, I had my 3rd and second to last dose of the double dose chemotherapy. We had to go to GF to meet with my oncologist and have the treatment. Other then having a hard time finding a way to get across the red river, the trip was uneventful. In two weeks, I will have my final dose of the double dose chemotherapy! Then we are on to the next type of chemotherapy administration, which should last about three months.

My oncologist said my chest xray from urgent care last weekend looked just fine... nothing to worry about. I don't know what made the difference, if it was the breathing treatment or the antibiotics, but my cough is 95% better, which is a relief. My asthma is also well under control. I kind of think I had some sort of bacterial infection going on, as it took 4-5 days after starting antibiotics for my cough to go away.

I am very exhausted after this last treatment. I can sit up for small periods of time, but am most comfortable lying down and resting. My husband and the kids are gone for the weekend, as his grandmother unexpectedly passed away. This is very sad news, and it was very hard for me to stay back while he and the kids attend the funeral, but we all knew it was best for several different reasons. Grandmother Darlene will be greatly missed and I am so sorry I will not be able to attend the funeral.

It Feels Good to Feel Good (or at Least Better)

I'm finally back to pretty much full energy. I really think this last round of chemo was a little easier on me. I don't know if it just felt easier 'cause I knew what to expect, or if my body truly didn't react as badly. The nausea was not nearly as bad, however, the tiredness was probably worse. I have decided, though, that feeling like I need to sleep all the time is easier to deal with then feeling like I have to vomit all the time. My next chemo is on Friday in GF.

Having the two youngest in daycare last week went very well. They seemed to love it. They rush to the door to leave in the morning and rush to my side when they get home. I get lots of hugs and kisses and playtime when they come home. I can tell they have missed me (and I them) but I can also tell they had a wonderful time at daycare. Their provider is amazing and I can rest well knowing she is taking wonderful care of them. And the reality is, I needed every moment they were at daycare last week to rest and recuperate.

Last Friday morning, I went in to have my blood levels checked. Everything checked out fine, as far as I know, but I discovered my body does not like the Heparin that they use to "flush" my port with after blood draws. It makes me very dizzy and light headed... drops my blood pressure down very low. I had to lay down for 15 minutes or so after the Heparin was administered before I felt that I could walk w/o passing out. A very minor inconvenience... I'm still thankful for my port.

We had a nice weekend with family, celebrating my two oldest's birthdays with family and Easter, as well. I did end up having to visit the doctor (urgent care) on Easter, as my asthma was flaring up and my meds were not helping at all. I ended up getting my blood work rechecked (everything was fine except I had very low blood sugar - I figure that just gave me a good excuse to eat extra Easter candy :-) ), having a nebulizer treatment (which help my asthma improve so I can maintain with my prescription meds at home), having a chest xray (which the doctor phrased "I think it looks okay" and suggested I have my oncologist look at it due to the fact my lungs looked grainy... probably from chemo), getting a shot in the butt (ouch!) of antibiotics, a take home prescription of antibiotics and a prescription for cough syrup with codeine (which apparently helps my cough but makes me vomit violently w/in a few minutes of taking it). I'm avoiding going to bed tonight, as I haven't quit decided if I should take the cough syrup which helps me sleep better after I've vomited a few times. Vomit or cough? Vomit or cough? I'm leaning towards vomiting, as I really like my sleep and I can't sleep if I'm coughing all night long. At least the vomiting only lasts a few minutes and then I can go to sleep.

It's done.

My husband just finished shaving my head. I must say it is a look I never thought I would sport, and it is not very becoming, but it is done. This morning my hair started falling out in huge clumps everytime I ran my hand thru it, so I decided it had to go. Let's just say I'm thankful for my wig, scarfs and hats... 'cause bald is not my thing.

On the bright side, it will grow back... and hopefully not gray :-)!

"Hairy" Kiri

Well, my hair has started to make a slow release from my scalp. Yesterday, the amount of hair that left my head was significant. I realized the death of my hair had begun when my one year old grabbed my hair yesterday and pulled out a huge handful with little effort on her part. I've already decided I won't be putting up with the slow loss of my hair and will be shaving my head when the loss of my hair dramatically increases, creating messes in the sink, shower and floor. I am hoping this will happen after Wednesday, as it is my oldest's birthday and I don't want her to remember her day as the day mom went bald.

I do have a wig and several hats and scarfs. I really don't think I will be much of a wig person, but it is hard to say right now. Since most of my bald time will be in the spring/summer, I imagine a wig would be very hot and scratchy, so I am thinking hats will be my preferred head covering. But I won't know until I am going thru it.

Chemo #2

I am officially done with 50% of the really bad nasty chemotherapy (double dose). This morning I went in and had my blood work checked, met with Oncologist and got my second treatment of chemotherapy. It was very uneventful, thankfully. And the ladies in our local Infusion Therapy room are very helpful and sweet. My Oncologist did add an additional anti-nausea medication, so I am now on 7 prescription meds... 2 for my asthma (which has been acting up horribly the past month) and 5 to treat post chemo nausea. It is really hard to keep all the meds straight and the dosing right. I told my husband that he should write me an application for my itouch, so I can keep track of meds on it and have reminders of when to take the meds.... the perks of having a computer geek (said in the most loving way of course!) for a husband :-). I guess I could just use a pen and paper, but that sounds so boring :-).

I did get my port stitches removed today and that feels wonderful! They were snagging on my shirt and itching something horrible, so I was not at all sad to see them go. I am now free to shower, bathe and swim without having to cover the incision. Yeah!

My next three treatments will have to happen in GF. Since the chemotherapy I am on is so strong, the Oncologist wants to personally see me for the remainder of these treatments. And then I will be switching to a different chemotherapy regime, so he would like the first dose of that done under his direct supervision as well.

On a side note, I have come down with a nasty head cold. I've felt it coming on for the past week, and finally, on Wednesday, I lost the battle. I'm sure my lowered blood counts from chemotherapy didn't help. Those who know me well, know that I HATE head colds. I can't sleep with all the congestion and the head cold aggravates my asthma. I've already been having a hard time with my asthma. Add all the congestion and coughing that comes with a head cold, and I am feeling miserable. I haven't sleep well the past couple of nights. So I am shouting out with a prayer request. Please pray that I can sleep! My husband and kids will thank you (and so will I) :-)! 'Cause the saying is right, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!".

I've been slowly trying to get thank you notes out, but unfortunately I am behind. I will keep plugging away, but I would like to let you all know how much you have blessed us thru all of this. So many people have taken care of us in so many ways... meal making, baby sitting, gifts, prayers, notes, messages and cards of encouragement, and phone calls. All of it means so much to me. Thank you!

I am fully prepared for the next few days to be rough, but we will make it thru. I have my stash of anti-nausea meds, frozen meals (thank you Bible study friends!), and I am so thankful for my very helpful and supportive husband... so we will make it! Thank you for your prayers!